Once upon a time, there were two men: a mediocre realist painter and a mediocre writer of spiritless, fashionable stories.
It happened such that the first was impressed with the two huge moles on the face of the second.
The painter decided the writer’s moles just needed to be painted. And thus a portrait was executed in a standard, unexceptional manner. However, the two painted moles were indeed extraordinary. No one has ever seen anything more vivid, more substantial, more repulsive.
Those painted moles were simultaneously a sample of craftsmanship and a token of the great inspiration our painter was stricken by. The portrait has soon been considered a fine piece of realism, and its model has soon become a fascinating, intriguing, veridical writer, driven in his art by the tragic story of his moles.
All in all, the two moles made the two artists famous. They were the key, the motto, the reason, and the fundamental engine of their art which has suddenly received worldwide recognition. New meanings were to be found behind their apparently ordinary writing and painting skills.
Critics have written about our painter’s obsession with apparently innocent deformities hence with human imperfection leading ineluctably to the idea of metaphysical failure. Psychoanalysts, at their turn, have spoken about our writer’s literary fixation on dispassionate literary scenes to mirror a sophisticated system of repression of guilt due to his mole-problem; which led, in fact, to the guilt he felt because of repressed libidinal impulses such as strong sexual and aggressive desires.
One day, an innocent young student who passionately conducted her PhD thesis in the art of her beloved master discovered something extraordinary: the mother of the writer, too, had the moles!
The news of this remarkable genetic heritage has spread immediately in the most serious niche publications and we must say it led to a storm controversy in all those exquisite literary circles.
It was, from that moment on, clear to everyone who bothered to keep their eyes and ears open that the artist’s writings expressed the tragic dilemma of he who could never overcome a simultaneous love and hate relationship with a desired yet stigmatized mother; which led, of course, not only to an extraordinary degree of insecurity, guilt and anxiety, but also to a ferocious ambition and wonderful sublimation skills also known as the classical ingredients for making a worldwide artist out of a timid, neurotic next-door guy.
It was now also clear that the brave painter had the extraordinary intuition of all these. He was the first to see through the two big brown moles, as through holes, deep inside the writer’s tormented soul; and found something that we may call these days the very human essence: “I may not seem quite right, but I’m not f***d up, not quite”. He, our painter, has seen all these and laid them on his canvas.
This apparently simple physical imperfection made any creative idea seem useless. Our painter needed nothing but this great, real detail: two moles on a writer’s face.
At his turn, our writer needed no talent, except this dramatic reality: two moles inherited from his very mother.
Some of the most courageous experts soon dared to predict a suicide of the artist. They however didn’t tell which of the two are to commit suicide, so we could only assume it might have been both (also taking into account the rumors about a presumed sado-masochistic relationship between the two.)
Due to the apparent accessibility of the theme, they’ve become not only valuable in high circles, but also popular among the masses. The writings of the possessor of the moles, the writer himself, as well as the paintings of the moles together with the painter himself made it not only in the greatest exhibition museums and publishing houses around the world, but also in malls, pubs, public spaces and yellow media. Everyone seemed happy to agree upon the fact that physical beauty is not a requirement for pleasure and even less for art, fame and fortune. It takes two big hideous moles to make two men whole. And so the moles were shown in Vogue, in glossy men’s magazines and moreover in a Lady Gaga video being filmed as we speak.
After a short while of exposure to limelight, women rated moles among the sexiest physical accessories a man can have. “The bigger the better”, “Size Does matter”, “I want Your Mole” and “In Your Face” to mention a few of the most common titles in the glossy written reports of the latest months.
Sooner than expected, some weaker men have gone a little bit too far and bought at least one fake rubber mole on their cheeks and noses, just to get more attention from the ladies at cocktails and parties.
Damien Hirst however has been, as expected, a little bit shaken by the news and decided to put an end to this ridiculous mole story by exhibiting his latest masterpiece: two huge brown moles covered in diamonds. Our painter found the gesture completely unethical and expressed his disagreement with Hirst’s work in prime-time on CNN. He was later advised not to stop here, but sue the British artist and deal with him once for all. “This might be the end of him”, insisted one of our painter’s advisers.
Our writer however didn’t agree with such harsh measures against one of the most prominent children of late modern art. Unlike our painter, he was a pacifist, or to be more precise, a conflict fearer. It was rumored that later that night, right after the public embarrassment of Hirst on CNN, he phoned our painter and begged him to calm down. The two moles belonged to him only after all, so he can sure do whatever he wants, including letting Damien do some clever work on them. When our painter has finally agreed to calm down and admitted that yes, he was a little bit jealous and not really ready to share the moles with other artists, our writer also agreed it was perhaps the time to get a bit more realistic. The outcome of the long phone talk was the possibility of registering the two moles as a trademark. One hour later, their common secretary was dragged off from bed by a phone call. She was asked to set a video conference for 9 a.m. the next day with their two agents and six attorneys.
To our knowledge, the legal procedure of registering the moles as a trademark has been completed in no more than 5 weeks. Today is up and going, as you’ve probably already heard on the news.
PS: The above story was inspired by a certain remark I’ve read in Dostoevsky’s “Diary of a Writer”.
PS2: This is a song that my husband loves a lot. It comes from that amazing 60s garage collection… “Miracle Worker” by The Brogues. Shake it!!
Feeling overwhelmed is easy. And it’s usually for sale which makes things even easier.
